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long ago I'm frustrated!

I started gestational diabetes . 2 weeks since I started insulin. My dose was increased Thursday. Despite that my rates are not falling at all! I respect the diet, I walk as much as I can and nothing nor did it! I find it frustrating and worrying. The gynecologist told me that my dose steady rise over the weeks because advances, the more I have of pregnancy hormones. I want the best for my coconut and I'm afraid to hurt him. I'm getting anxious to give birth. I know it's my last pregnancy and I want to enjoy it. But last week I have more energy, my belly full of bruises and fingers magan force stung me. I'm tired! I still have 6-7 weeks to come. I need energy to get through these last few weeks.

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I'm sick!

nauseated, tired of thinking about why and especially what to do! I do can more constantly seek ways to help. I'm tired of meeting full of players who tell me to do what I already do. I'll choose my battles. If brettent too too bad in the morning they go to school without breakfast! Pus able to repeat 150 times''dressed up!''''Come and eat "" Go brush your teeth "" Put your shoes. "This week it was hell. I am very tired. I feel they are worse in that time! They should be self-started at 6 and 7 years. They know what they do. Why must I always say. It's finished when I cry for me heard. The worst is that I feel guilty for being so tired and impatient with them. I look forward to the renovations are completed so that finally you could help me with the kids at night. I love a respite. When things go better with one, is hell with the other. But when I make the two weeks of hell, I want to go to bed.

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A gift of life

The first thing I want to emphasize today is that my chip was 6 years old on Monday! My beautiful big girl. Each passing day solidifies our relationship. Yesterday we went shopping for clothes and we stopped at a shop in soaps and perfumes. I allowed him to choose soap and she was so happy. She is feminine and flirtatious until fingertips. I want to keep this mother-daughter relationship. It makes me feel good. The second thing I want to talk about is my pregnancy. My pregnancy is more likely that difficult of the three but I like most. I like it because it is a gift that life gives me. As the cherry on a sunday. Matthew is my ice cream, Anne-Sophie my caramel and Loïc my cherry. I am blessed! And let's not forget the man of my life is my partner everyday. Finally, I do not want to forget my beautiful Mathieu. Mathieu, who made an effort every day to improve. My Mathieu aging and becoming more reasonable. Bravo my great!

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The vision of the people towards the test

Maybe I've passed the stage of why. Maybe I'm at the stage of acceptance or simply that I look differed. Yes there are still more difficult moments, moments where I want to scream. But mostly I watch them play, I watch the spark shone in their eyes, I breathe their fragrance, Bécotte their play and I think they are wonderful in their difference. They are incredible. They are strong, persistent and full of desire. I'm here for them and I know I am doing my job. I am less patient for some time but comprenent. In recent weeks I have met parents and grandparents who have a child or grandchild who is experiencing the same problem as my daughter. It sounds painful for them. I listen as best I can and I tell them that the light is not far. I remember the pain it causes when a diagnosis. I remember that he must fight to get support. Besides, I am still fighting for that support is still in place. But we leave this one day torpor. It comes out when it no longer stops at this diagnosis. It comes out when we see our children smile for life and is rewarded for all his efforts.

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I'm sad this morning

My love falls on holiday this afternoon. I am very happy for him because he deserves a holiday! I'm sad because I do not fall vacation. In addition, during these two weeks, I have 2 days off only. I know it's my decision but I regret it. In more than one week since my contractions. I find that sometimes I make decisions without thinking. Today I am faced with my decision. I just have no taste.

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My brother

I do not know what's going on with you for a few months but it saddens me very much. Surely there are plenty of things I do not understand. You quietly withdraw our family. You walk away us. I'm thinking, I can not find the event that triggered your escape. Yet every time we saw had a lot of fun. The last time I saw you was on December 31 last. You're not coming to the party Dad, you did not come to Easter. You've phoned my birthday and the last time I spoke to you. On your birthday I left a message because you were absent. I have not had a chance to tell you my pregnancy. Dad told you. No phone congratulations on your part. You probably do not even know that it is a son that I wait. When I told you I was bored from you the last time I spoke, you told me you'd be very busy this summer with the bike and camping. What I did for that suddenly you're transformed into gale? You know-how is our father grieved by your absence? I can not understand and it pains me very much. I hope to see you this fall. And yes, I still hope. Do you really believe that you put aside because you are our half-brother? Well my dear, it was you who put aside his own. Whatever. My door is always open for you.

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I overestimated

This morning I'm tired. I woke with a headache that will not leave. I took a lot of professional commitment to this summer. I was sure everything would be ok since I have not worked hard this winter. Perhaps I had forgotten that I'm pregnant? I was most afraid of finding myself with no income for the summer. I hurt my things planned for here I work six days a week and some day to 2 locations. I still have 3 days before my only day off this week and I do not know how I'll manage to make myself. I'm not very proud of myself. I really want to drop on one side but I never dare. There are still five weeks then it'll be quieter. How To Pass through without weary? For the remainder of the summer I will reject replacements. I want them to stop calling every day to add.

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And .... My baby

Last Monday was the day of my ultrasound. We went there with family. It was an intense moment of emotion. It was beautiful to see the eyes of my children. The best moment was when the radiologist was placed on the sex and he did guess Mathieu. My son saw a penis! And so I wait a second boy. Mathieu jumped for joy. Anne-Sophie seemed disappointed in the coup. For the console, his brother told him that now she would have 2 brothers and paste when it has sentencing. It did smile. It remains the only princess to her father. Our baby is perfect. It now remains to find what name this little guy and it might be long .... ;)

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lucky

Just last year, I told myself that I must now devote myself to my career. I thought, and rightly, it was time for me to find a job I love in a friendly environment. I did not want to live what I lived there or not so long ago. Over the past two years, I flit from one environment to another. I liked each of these libraries. I finally found myself in my element, one that I experienced early in my career which I had removed. My confidence came back. I learned to cope with the constant innovation and all the new people I met during these last 2 years. When, last March, my love has said yes to a baby, I told myself that I have time to set aside work before it arrives in my belly. I expected several months of practice. My little miracle found home much sooner than I expected. Three weeks after the yes dear, I tested positive. I was so surprised but very happy. The career was going to wait and it was fine. Finally, I thought that was what was the past. But luck knocked on my door at the end of May. I finally have a job in a library. I love my job and the team is really great. Since I am pregnant, I am very calm. The stress is over and I almost blind trust in the future. His presence in me gives me comfort. As if he was there to tell me he is taking life one day at a time and must enjoy every moment. I Zen feel and hassle are quickly discarded. I call my baby lucky. At the beginning of my pregnancy, I was afraid. Fear of reliving the horror of my last birth, fear that this child with Down syndrome is due to my age, fear of losing it. All these fears have been dismissed because my doctor had the same fears for me and it made me spend lots of tests. Since I am calm and confident. Monday will be my ultrasound. I'm sure it's a little boy who made himself a nest in the hollow of my belly. I can not wait to see if my feeling again will prove correct. Children accompany us. They count the sleeps. We involve them as much as possible in this pregnancy because I want them to know we love them as much when their brother (or sister) arrives. I find it so nice to see my sweetie flatter belly and talked to the baby. I find it so nice to hear my son tell me that he will take care of the baby in the morning. It will be very pampered and loved this baby. I savor every moment. Thank you life, thank you for my baby lucky.

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That's it I can breathe

3 weeks since I live in a fog. In rereading my medical record, my doctor was worried. She saw fit to send me to meet Sainte-Justine a hematologist for a check-thrombotic. She méciales output terms that I did not quite understand it before a serious face. Following my meeting with the hematologist, it sent me in clinical high-risk pregnancy. I was really scared. Afraid to put my life in danger. After several pints of blood taken (I exaggerate only hihihi), the doctor tells me everything is normal and that my pregnancy is not at risk. Fiououououou! I Revie yesterday. This morning I had my prenatal and nuchal translucency. According to the radiologist everything is normal and my baby has no manufacturing defects hihi. I'm 13.6 weeks and my due date is December 5th. The nausea returned occasionally but very rarely. I can fully enjoy my last pregnancy.

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Over

I still feel I'm dreaming. I think not quite yet. Yet I have nausea almost 24, I have lots of food aversions, I have sore breasts, I'm very tired and I have a dog character. For two days I have a stomach ache. I have the uterus stretching. Baby is the place. I can not wait to see my doctor about how long I have done. According to my LMP I am 10 weeks tomorrow. I think it's more than 8 weeks. I see my doctor on May 13 and I truly realize that I wear life for the third time when I would hear the heart beat. Lots of beautiful projects for the home we expect in the coming months. I can not wait to get my energy to bring with me my darling. I enjoy every day that passes. I accept my nausea as a sign of your presence in me. I know it's the last time I wear my life and I'm finally calm face motherhood. I know you will fill this space in my heart. You'll be pampered in life. A dad, a mom, a brother and sister waiting for you. We are preparing for your coming to our each and readable manner with all the love that we already have for you.

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A wave of nausea overcame me

I feel good, happy, blessed, blessed. That's what I wanted for at least two years. I'll put my other project aside for some time. It was now or never. After it was too late. I felt inside me that's what I wanted, what I needed. My man, my love, my friend, my partner and I are a great team. I am proud of our marriage, our family. Thank you my heart for all this love. Thank you for being there, being you. I love you more than the first day.

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softness The sun comes

After passing the worse last week, the sun returns to the house. Marc-Andre is set aside and that work should be less stressful and exhausting. Anne-Sophie shield and will resume its evaluation for ADD soon. Matthew will also be tracking the same speech pathologist as Anne-Sophie. From my side I start training at the municipal library next week and I met the director of a school for a replacement. I'm happy. The only stress that remains is to successfully balance work and go to my chip. Mathieu will be 1 time per month and this darling who will accompany him. Anne-Sophie is a once a week from 19 March until late July. A final sprint very important to her and that is what I have to prioritize in my schedule. I trust that I will succeed to fit everything in my calendar.

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Fear

I hate this feeling that I compress the chest. These days I walk in small steps for fear that the fear (hihihi) jumps on me. I do not like the feeling I remember. Yet I feel such a desire to move forward without bother me tomorrow. I do not want to think about what could happen in four months. I want to move forward with the certainty that everything will be fine. I do not want more of this fear. I want to follow the path I have chosen straightforward. The regrets have no place in my life. Whenever I had confidence, life smiled at me. I still feel that trust and dark. I know what I do, I know what I'm worth.

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It's frustrating! Bad day

Every day I go to jobs. For now I'm just looking for documentation, but in a few weeks I'll have to explore something else for me not to return to spout water. It does not tempt me and hopefully not have to do but between having a more or less interesting and having to starve the question does not arise! Where I feel it's frustrating to see that even for simple office clerk, who incidentally is paid $ 11 per hour, companies are asking to be perfectly bilingual. I Pocket'm English. I thought I tried everything by taking courses, listening and reading English or anything because I still pocket. I understand quite well but it is to talk it spoils. I find it so frustrating!! It must be some jobs where it is not necessary to speak English. It adds to my stress.

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Since this morning I just want to scream. I just tried to stay positive, hang on, I feel like the fog thickens. I want to complain. For 3 years I train hard for my sanity. I managed to get through a depression, the diagnosis of Anne-Sophie and that of Matthew, recurrent depression, resignation of a rotten job stress and job search. I WANT to make life a little soft. I finally felt strong. Today I'm feeling down. I have no one to lean on. I feel like I have everything on my shoulders. I feel so angry. I hope this is just my spm makes me feel like that and it'll get better tomorrow.

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I remain positive

past few days my positivism fell apart. I must recover. The positive of the Week: My application was accepted unemployment, Marc-Andre is already better and with children it is okay. The negative: It is better not to think about! I will focus on what is going well and sent positive vibes to the universe for the rest to follow. I decided that enough is enough! This is not because it always work side than it has been difficult to continue like this. I resigned from a job that poisoned my life last year for having a job I love. I tasted a job that excites me over the last year and I'm sure this is what awaits me in a very very near future. I'm Focuss the above. I deserved it after all these years.